Get busy living!

Can't sleep. Nothing new. But all in all, I'm doing better tonight. I've been so depressed lately. Today I felt better. I made myself switch up the dynamic of my day and it really helped.
As I type this, I'm sitting next to our beautiful christmas tree that is all lit up. "It's a wonderful Life" is on the T.V. As I rock in my glider rocker with my laptop on my lap, I can look out my sliding glass door to see one of our neighbor's sailboats all lit up like a Christmas tree. We live on a canal that leads to the albemarle sound and lots of our neighbors have boatdocks. Tonight was our community's annual "Christmas boat parade". Rough place to live, huh?
Kit got to ride with the guys from his cycling team today. He's in the best physical shape I've ever known him to be in. He makes 40 look amazing! The guys rode a little over 30 miles in less than 2 hrs. and Kit had a "phenominal"time. Makes me happy to see him getting so much fulfillment with his cycling.
My step-dad sees a lot of movies. Like atleast 1-3 a week in the theatre. He works in a movie rental store "for fun" in his retirement. Movies, as well as books and music are his thing. He takes Maddie to the movies everytime a new movie for children comes out. Today he was taking Maddie to see Eragon. A new movie about a dragon and her rider.
Maddie LOVES dragons! That and dinosaurs are what she obsesses over these days. I decided to actually go to the movie with Maddie and dad today. Dad was pleasantly surprised and both he and Maddie seemed excited that I went with them. Made me feel good.
Kit made dinner tonight and we all sort of just hung out. It seemed good. Felt right. I found myself looking at my husband, my children, thinking of Kate and feeling..........grateful.
One week from tonight, Kate will be here! I can not wait to see her. I miss her so very much.
This week I paid off our disney trip package! I still can't believe we are actually going to Disney World in January! It's going to be amazing.
This post really isn't a long, rambling post about how bad I or my life are. It's sort of a boring account of today's events.
I am feeling sort of confused about something though. I've had people that used to be a huge part of my life seek me out and contact me again. One of these people used to be my best friend. I stopped communicating with her when I was going through an unexpected miscarriage and she was less than supportive. Atleast, that was my take on it. She had been through multiple miscarriages at that point and she didn't know I was pregnant. I may have very well have overreacted to her comments and tone with me. But really this was just the final thing in a bunch of things that had me thinking we no longer needed to be friends.
Anyway, she e-mailed me after we had not communicated in almost exactly two years. We had a great night of Iming, e-mailing pix to eachother and all seemed like we were sort of starting over and going to be friends again. But, she's all but stopped communicating with me this time and it has me wondering if she was just looking to do to me what I did to her. I feel angry, annoyed and frustrated. I also feel like I deserve whatever I get since I just stopped all communication with her instead of trying to explain how I felt to her.
Why would someone show up in your life again, acting like they and actually saying that they missed you and wanted to be a part of your life again and then just pretty much ignore you? Maybe she sensed how messed up I am these days. Who knows.
I just know that I can always count on Kit and my kids to love me. Kit will always be there for me and he loves me warts and all. He doesn't play with me and my feelings. I don't know why, but Kit thinks I am valuable. He is the only person in this world that I am pretty sure will always get my back. Other people seem to end up disappointing on some level. Even people that should never give up on you do. A good example of that would be my parents. But, enough about people disappointing you. I"m lucky to have Kit and my children, some people don't even have a spouse or anyone that they can completely trust. I am blessed.
Knowing this, makes me want to work even harder at elliminating the negative, destructive thoughts I have as well as resource how to heal my depression. I will find a way to heal,to feel true happiness (it's surrounds me, I just have to let myself embrace it).
I have valuable qualities I need to focus on. I've been so self-centered lately. I can focus on my family. I want to be the best wife and mom I can be. My family deserves the best!
I'll go ahead and set some goals for myself this week. I'll start out fairly easy and work up to more challenging goals as time goes on.
GOALS for this week!

1. Work out atleast 3 times this week. Including classes and or cardio.
2. Drink 8 glasses of water each day.
3. Pray daily.
4. Figure out atleast one thing for each day I can do for my kids and Kit to make their day better.
5. Each time I catch myself thinking a negative thought about myself, counter "attack" it with a positive thought about myself.


That is probably a good enough start for now. Today is the day I turn a corner. One of Kit's favorite movie quotes is from "the Shawshank Redemption" and it's "either get busy living or get busy dying". Today is the day I get busy living!