The "sobbing Shower".

Here I am lying on the floor, alone and crying. Feeling, relieved. Because today was not going to be a "good hubby" day. It had the making of perhaps a really, really bad "hubby day". So, I collected myself together. Got in the shower to let out the real deep down, sobbing stuff. You guys know what I mean, the sobbing stuff you 'd never ever do in front of anyone in public. But if you don't get it out or your soul.....there is a good chance you'll die. So, into the hotest shower I can stand. While going back and forth between the stuff you do during a prouductive shower and the stuff you do during a "sobbing shower". Things like, croutching down so the echoes aren't quite as loud. Or tutrning up the music louder to act like I'm singing along with the stupid song when the truth is I'm call my hubby every name in the book.
I'm too tired to get any more into this tonight. Suffice it to say on this road of "finding myself", not only is it taking a lot longer than I had expected, but the ups and downs have been much more extreme and unsettling that I had feared.
Anywho, gotta get a good nights sleep. I work open to close tomorrow and I want to give it my best. Want to get up early enough to actually do my make-up, hair and look kind of hot. I may be almost 40 but I'm not dead yet. Why should I live like I am? More to come.