Got up this am in a good mood ready to attack my new way of thinking and have a good day.Espescially since this is our last day together as a family for a week. Kit leaves to go out of town this weekend for a week.
I came out of the bedroom with lots of good info from the social worker who I had just gotten off the phone with and Kit was so cold, so stand off ish and just mean. I ended up in tears and went back to my room. It hurt so much and I realized, this is going to be a long road, but I'm not going to give up. He doesn't understand how I can expect him to just change overnight and be like "oh ok, everything is cool between Chris and I now". I'm not expecting that, I was just expecting that if I treated him with kindness and openess that he would do the same with me. Not the way it goes.
I love him so much I'll keep trying. I love my kids, so I'll keep trying. But today, my heart is hurting really badly.
I'm not an awful person. I just have to keep telling myself and find people in my life who agree. i will continue to let :"Jesus take the wheel" and surrender to both the Lord and to Kit. The belittleling and criticizing and awful way I treat Kit has to stop nnow and I'll just keep loving him the way he deserves to be loves as I grow in my love of the Lord. I'll get there. I'm sure really sad right now.